6. You are negative about your partner
As we’ve said, don’t shift all the blame on yourself. But also don’t blame your partner for everything. It isn’t necessary to tell your child about the mistakes and misdeeds of your spouse. And try not to speak badly about them. Don’t forget that your kid is 50% you and 50% your spouse.
So when you are accusing, criticizing, and speaking negatively about your partner, your child can internalize this. It can also spoil their attitude toward their other parent. You both are their parent and your child loves you both, even with all your drawbacks.
7. You use your child as a mediator
No matter how strongly you feel against your partner. In the complete absence of the desire to communicate with them, you shouldn’t make your child the messenger. The kid shouldn’t pass dad’s phrases and thoughts to mom and vice versa.
Try your best and talk with your spouse yourself. The child is already under stress from what’s happened and you don’t need to aggravate the situation by making them feel like they are between 2 fires and have to act as a negotiator.
8. You block your child’s relationship with the other parent
Don’t forbid your child to communicate with their other parent. Don’t try to hurt your spouse by not letting your child visit them, not encouraging them to spend time together, or not inviting them to events that are important events for your kid.
As a result of these actions, the child suffers the most. They need both of you, and the lack of a parent can bring them pain and suffering. It’s better to not get involved in the relationship between your child and your partner.
9. You need the details
If the above isn’t about you and you allow the child to visit your spouse’s place and spend time with them, then try not to arrange an interrogation for the child when they return home. Even if you’re burning with desire to learn everything about your partner, their affairs, and even possibly their new love, don’t press the child.
Limit yourself to a couple of ordinary questions so that the child feels that you’re positive and calm about their meetings and interactions with the other parent.
10. You think your child doesn’t understand the situation
The children can’t understand everything because of their age. But they see, hear, and notice everything. Therefore, it’s important for you and your partner to behave without aggression and hostility toward each other in their presence. Don’t swear and argue when your child can witness it.
They see every single thing and it hurts them. So don’t worsen the stress and suffering of your child by not being able to control your emotions. Try to solve all your issues in private.
What other mistakes can parents make after a divorce? What is better for a child: divorce parent or parents together in an unhappy marriage? We would like to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Illustrated by Oleg Guta, Natalia Okuneva-Rarakina