Marriages end so often in the world that there is even a Guinness Record for the highest divorce rate. And it belongs to the Maldives. In other countries, of course, the rate is not as high, but still the percentage of divorce parent makes us sad. After all, a divorce is the end of love, the end of hope, and the main stress and trauma for the spouses themselves and their children. Kids are very vulnerable during this period and because of this parents should try their best to avoid any mistakes that could harm them.
We at Apegeo can’t ignore the problems for children that may arise during a divorce parent. And so we tried to describe the most common mistakes that parents often make, since they can sometimes forget that children need even more help and support that they do.
1. You perceive a child as an adult
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To begin with, the child is not an adult. They may not fully understand the reason for your divorce, your emotions, or your feelings. You’re responsible for them and you must provide them with a sense of security and confidence that everything will be fine.
So, it isn’t necessary to talk to them about everything. They need your support and should feel it without constantly having to comfort you. Share your worries and troubles with friends, family, or a specialist. Don’t load your child up with your problems.
2. You make your child to choose
Don’t force your child to choose between parents. This concerns both the place of residence and the question of who they want to stay with. It makes the kid feel like they are betraying one of you. By choosing one parent, they hurt the other one unwittingly.
This isn’t fair to the child. Go to court or decide these issues with your spouse. You can listen to the child’s opinion when making a decision, but in no case should you ever press the child to make a choice.
3. You try to be the favorite parent
In an attempt to look better than your partner in your child’s eyes, you can harm your kid. Permitting all the things your spouse doesn’t allow, you violate the discipline your spouse has established. Gradually your child begins to do what they want without listening to your instructions and comments. This can badly affect the personality of the child and make them act spoiled and capricious.
You should come to an agreement with your partner about which upbringing principles you will both follow. Discipline and an understanding of what is allowable should be present despite the painful experience of divorce parent. This also applies to what you do for your child. It isn’t necessary to point out each time that you have done more for them than the other parent.
4. Your child feels guilty
Children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. The child is already experiencing stress and their familiar world is completely changing. And the worst thing they can do is feel that they are to blame.
Therefore, it’s important to explain to the child that they aren’t guilty in this situation. They shouldn’t feel that they didn’t meet the expectations of their parents and that one of their bad deeds led to your divorce. Tell them over and over again that you love them.
5. You feel guilty
Besides, it’s worth explaining to your child that this isn’t your fault either. Sometimes unpleasant moments happen in life and things don’t go the way we would like them to. Divorce parent is one of these unplanned painful events.
And if you place all the blame on yourself and play the role of the guilty parent, it can have a harmful effect on your child. They can begin to use it and will eventually become spoiled and will feel entitled to everything. They might even start to blame you for their misfortunes.